Friends…how many of us have them…friends…the ones you can depend on….friends! Ha! That’s a song by the way if you’re confused lol. Ahhhh friendship, what a beautiful, yet sometimes complicated, gift from the Lord. The bible tells us that “one who has unreliable friends soon comes to a ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” Proverbs 18:24. Woah…that’s basically saying a GOOD friend can end up being closer than a blood relative. How amazing is that? Honestly, all the great girlfriends I currently have in my life go way beyond “just” being a friend to truly being my sister in Christ and family to me. For the first time in pretty much forever, I can finally say without a doubt my friendships are solid! I’ve had a long rocky road when it comes to friendships dating all the way back to high school, throughout college, and even post college years.
As a mom to 3 girls I’ve noticed with my oldest, whose 7, that issues in friendships with other girls starts at a YOUNG age. Even when Carrington was just in kindergarten, she would come home telling me one day her and her “best friend” at the time were no longer friends, then the next day they would be back best friends again. Lol. Of course, with her being 5 at the time, I took the up & down friendship with a grain of salt, but I still used it as a teaching lesson. I want her to know that friends are there for each other, support one another, are nice to each other, forgive one another, and just because they have a disagreement doesn’t mean the friendship has to completely end. As women, I feel like our moms will sit us down and have meaningful talks about a lot of things growing up whether it’s our self-confidence, boys, whatever it may be but often times the conversations about being great friends are neglected.
If I’m completely transparent I’ve struggled with being a great friend in the past and I’ve also dealt with women I considered friends that weren’t true friends to me as well. Around the time I was planning my wedding, 3 years ago, I had the biggest fallout with friends to date. After that I had a “I’m just focusing on me and my family” mindset. I built up a wall and didn’t allow any new potential friendships to make it past surface level. I was never the girl to only focus on my relationship with a guy (although with my husband that’s a little different but still), I’ve always had hobbies and friendships that brought me joy too, but I was in a stage in life where I didn’t (and still don’t) have time for drama and energy draining friendships. But my desire for true genuine friendships never went away. I mean let’s face it, yes, my husband is my best friend but there’s some things only a girlfriend would understand. And who do you have to vent to about your husband leaving the toilet seat up if you don’t have girlfriends haha. So I started to pray and asked God to put true and genuine women in my life that were going through the same stages in life as me as well. Hey, I’m very specific with my prayers lol. He’s literally answered my prayers and then some. The past few years I gained friends that are more like sisters. Friends that I’m able to walkout being a mom, wife, believer, entrepreneur and all with. It’s such a blessing!
What I’ve learned is friendship isn’t about whose been in your life the longest, it’s about who’s walked into your life and said “I’m here for you” and proved it! We can not do this thing called life alone. We need sisterhood. If you’re like the old me and have shut yourself off from developing new friendships, I highly suggest you pray that God will break down those walls. Pray for discernment to be able to judge who’s genuine and who’s not. Pray that God will bring girlfriends in your life that will cheer you own, celebrate with you in your successes, support you in your hard times, pray for you, hold you accountable, and most importantly, offer you unconditional support. Studies have shown that good friends are literally good for your health. I’ve also realized it’s definitely more about the quality verses the quantity when it comes to good friends. While it’s good to cultivate a diverse network of friends and acquaintances, you also want to nurture a few truly close friends who will be there for you through thick and thin.
If you’re finding it hard to meet new friends, outside of prayer, some practical advice would be to join different interest groups. Whether it’s mommy groups, blogger groups, yoga groups, etc. Facebook is always a great place to start to look up local interest groups in your area. You could also get more involved at church whether it’s in a singles ministry, marriage ministry, young adult ministry, etc. I’ve made some great friendships through my church home. And of course, there’s always social media. With me being a blogger, some of my closest friendships have come through Instagram! There just obviously has to be an effort to get to know each other in real life as well! Just remember friendships require a give and take! Sometimes you’re the one giving support, and other times you’re on the receiving end. It’s as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with good friends.
I’ve been connected to this beauty @brittfusilier for quite some time now, but it’s not until recently we’ve truly developed a great friendship. We are so much alike it’s scary. Lol. From people literally thinking we’re twins, to not only both being girl moms but being pregnant together TWICE, two of our girls share the same birthday, to even getting married in the same month & year, to both being working moms & full-time bloggers as well, the list goes on & on…it’s pretty nuts! When her and her beautiful family visited Houston of course the bloggers in us couldn’t go without capturing a few pictures together. It was quite the mountain to climb trying to get the two, 2-year-old toddlers to stand still for one second to snap a picture but we managed to get a few great shots, if I must say so myself. Yall this girl is a whole doctor, wife, mommy, booked & busy blogger, and still manages to make time to be a great friend. With us both being black mommy bloggers, I’m grateful we’ve been able to show other women that collaboration always trumps competition. We both realize when you’re confident in yourself, it’s easy to encourage some else to shine and be happy for them. I adore you Britt! And all my other sisters if you’re reading this as well. God has blessed me with some great ones! Enjoy a few pictures from our mommy and me friendship shoot!
The mommy and me looks are linked here: Women’s Dresses Toddler Dresses Baby Dresses
Pictures Captured by Creative Sparks Images
As Always…Love you All,
Courtney N. Williams
I loved this! Thanks for the advice. I really needed it. I’ve struggled with both being a good friend and finding good friends pretty much my entire life. I’m now 26 and haven’t really put much effort into meeting new friends over the last few years, but I think I’ll take your advice and see what’s out there. Sometimes I feel like finding good friends is just as hard (if not harder) as finding a good man. Lol. But I’ll put my faith in God. What’s for me will be for me! Love ya!! 😘
Awww thanks so much for reading. Love you too girl