What I’ve Learned in the 1st 3 Years of Marriage

Wow…here we are, on year three of this thing called marriage. What a ride it’s been and it’s just the beginning. I can truly say our first three years of marriage have been quiet the whirlwind. A good whirlwind though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m sure most of you reading this know our story but just in case there’s any new faces reading this I’ll give you guys a little summary of our background.

I was a single mother of one before getting married and my husband was a father of one as well. I guess you can say we “met” through Instagram (typical right? lol). We did have mutual friends. That’s how we started following each other but he first reached out to me through direct message on IG. He didn’t waste any time and immediately asked me out on a date. We went on our first date just a week later and it’s been history ever since. 3 months after our first date we made it clear we were exclusively dating, 9 months later we were engaged, 7 months after that we were married, and 6 months after that we were pregnant lol! A whirlwind, right? It doesn’t slow down from there. While being pregnant, we were also building our first home together AND planning our big wedding at the same time (we got married at the courthouse). Now fast forward to today, I’m pregnant AGAIN! Ohhh man…we play zero games haha! In the midst of all of that we were going through the phases of blending a family and simply trying to figure this thing called marriage out. It hasn’t been easy in the least bit but it’s been so so worth. I wouldn’t want to go on this crazy journey with anyone else. 

I’ll share with you guys the top three things I’ve learned in marriage so far. Let’s jump right in:

Marriage is what YOU make it!

These days marriage tends to get a pretty bad rep. All you have to do is talk to your great aunts or older coworkers to find out real quick that not a lot of people believe in Godly marriage anymore. Not to mention the high divorce rate in our country. But marriage is what you make it. It can be heaven on earth or it can be hell on earth. One thing that helps is to make sure you try to protect the PEACE at all times within your marriage and your home. There’s nothing like your spouse being your peace in the midst of everything we have to deal with on this earth. Who wants to have to fight through whatever the day throws at them, then have to come home to fight as well. My husband and I TRY to leave our outside battles at the door at the end of the day (my husband does a GREAT job at this, I’m good at this 80% of the time lol). We will call and vent to each other throughout the day, but once we get home we shake all that off, put our kids down for the night, and spend some quality time together at the end of the day. 

Another thing that helps with this is to simply just ENJOY one another. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. There’s people in this world dealing with some real tragic stuff on a daily basis. Newlyweds tends to fight mostly over petty stuff. Get over the petty things quickly guys. Me nor my husband are going anywhere so what good is it to walk around mad. Forgive & move on quickly, laugh together, and have fun together. Your spouse should truly be your best friend.

Marriage is SERVANTHOOD

A lot of times people enter marriage thinking it’s a fairytale or thinking that the main reason for marriage is to make each other happy. Especially us women. Ha, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Marriage is truly servanthood. Meaning, you both are there to serve one another. It forces you to die to your flesh and natural human ways daily. That’s why people say that marriage is the closest earthly relationship that we have to our relationship with Christ. There’s no keeping count of wrong doings, only loving each other through imperfections and shortcomings. Try being super mad at someone but the Holy Spirit still telling you to make his dinner or pack his lunch for the next day or still be intimate with him that night. That’s marriage for you! We dealt with the power struggle our first year, as many newlyweds do. But when your main goal is to serve one another then you aren’t worried about who has the power or control. Practice waking up daily thinking “how could I serve my spouse better today” and watch your marriage transform. 

It’s always a SPIRITUAL battle!

Lastly, remember that when you’re being attacked it’s a spiritual battle. When you keep this in perspective it makes you fight harder for your marriage. Knowing that the enemy doesn’t want to see healthy, Godly marriages prosper. But being strong enough to let him know to have several seats and that he won’t have your marriage. You two have to be consistent with keeping God the center of your marriage. Whether it’s praying together, fasting together, doing bible study together, or going to marriage classes at your church. It won’t necessarily make things easier but with God on your side, the battle is already won!

Although, when thinking about forever, 3 years in we are still just newborn babies. But I feel us growing and maturing with each year that passes by, and for that I’m grateful. In these three years God has truly shown me that our marriage is  bigger than us. There will be generations of families positively affected by our union. I get countless of messages from single moms or women in blended families saying our story has given them hope to never give up, never settle, and to keep fighting for their families. I remind myself of that any time the enemy comes in and tries to break apart what God has brought together. Ain’t no stopping this Williams train, we are rocking til’ the wheels fall off! Like I stated early, marriage is what you make it. You CAN have a great marriage, you CAN be happy in your relationship, you and your partner CAN, be faithful, you CAN raise God fearing children, you CAN be successful & have all the desires of your heart. That’s how God intended for marriage to be. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

To my husband: Thank for loving me like Christ loves the church! Thank you for always being so positive and patient. Thank you for being a great provider, father, and my best friend. Here’s to forever with you!

Thanks for rocking with us this far. We love yall!

As Always…I love you all,

Courtney N. Williams