How I’ve Come To Love Myself

Courtney N. Williams, 29-year-old woman, successful marketing career for the past 7 years, three beautiful children, and a wonderful husband. One of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. Devoted mother, wife, friend, and Christian. From the outside looking in you may think she has it all together. Confident, attractive, and successful. But you’d be shocked to know it’s taken her
nearly three decades to have a positive self image. Would you believe she can be incredibly critical of herself? Letting mistakes make her feel worthless, like she’s not a great mother, wife, or friend? At times she feels lazy, selfish, and self-centered. In the past, majority of the time when she looked in the mirror she didn’t like what she saw!

Yes, it’s true. That’s me. But it’s not just me. It’s most women. Research suggest that 86% of all women are dissatisfied with themselves. Do you know that only 2% of women in the world would describe themselves as beautiful? For most women self-acceptance is hard to come by. Did you know women are twice as likely to be depressed as men? One of the biggest contributing factors to this is self-esteem. We feel so much pressure to be perfect at all times and that’s a problem. In our society, we’re brainwashed to believe we have to have certain qualities, physical attributes, and credentials to be special. The thing is, none of that stuff will ever bring us complete wholeness or contentment. If we constantly use what society deems as perfection as a measuring stick for our own self value, our sense of self-worth will go up and down like a yo yo.

For majority of my life I HATED being skinny. I’m naturally petite no matter how much I eat. I’ve given birth to two whole children and still couldn’t keep weight on. I’m embarrassed to detail the lengths that I’ve gone to appear “thicker.” In the African-American culture, the men tend to like curvier women. I don’t have not one curve on me LOL. I wasn’t always a fan of my nose, hair, and the list goes on and on. I’ve made plenty of mistakes as a friend. I’ve questioned am I even capable of being a good friend. I’m far from the perfect wife or mother. There was a time I was ashamed of my story. I would look at other women who seem to have it all together and become envious.

But guess what, I’ve learned that I’m ENOUGH. I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. I am the daughter of a King. My heavenly father knows how many hairs are on my head. I was knit together in my mother’s womb. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve learned from them. Will I be perfect? Absolutely not. All I can do is try my hardest and give myself grace. As women we tend to give everyone else grace but are so hard on ourselves. I no longer focus on what I deemed as my weakness and instead I celebrate my strengths. There’s no other Courtney Nichelle Williams on this planet earth. I’ve forgiven myself from past regrets and moved on. Anytime my inner critic, aka the enemy, tries to creep in and remind me of my past I tell myself I’ve learned, healed, and I’ve grown. I now only surround myself with positive people who accept and believe in me. I’m my girlfriend’s biggest cheerleader. I finally love what I see in the mirror and I’m content with who and what God has called ME to be. I love my husband and children with everything in me but also realize I won’t be a perfect wife and mother. I simply do my best. I am, who I am and I make no apologies for it. I’m free from other’s opinions of me. I’m truly loving the woman I’m becoming!

This is an ongoing journey and something I still work on daily. You can get to this point too sis! There’s no other YOU! You have a specific calling on your life. You’re beautiful no matter what size you are. You’re trying your hardest and you are ENOUGH! Forgive yourself. Give yourself some grace. There’s no such thing as perfect. Forget society and the pressures they put on women. STOP comparing yourself to every other woman, mom, wife, friend, or whoever it is. Go to the Bible as your source of comfort and measuring stick. Life is short. Don’t spend your whole life being critical of yourself. There’s so much joy and freedom in knowing who you are, what you were called to be, and making no apologies for it.

Some practical ways to get to this point are: try giving social media a break for a little while. Use the time you would normally browse on your phone to get in God’s Word and see what He has to say about you. Read some self-love books. Meditate and have daily quiet time. Surround yourself with positive people that push you to be a better you and celebrate your strengths. Remove negative people who show no grace and nail you to the cross for every mistake you’ve made. Pray daily. And not just a 5 minute memorized prayer. Really talk to God. Be transparent and vulnerable. Tell Him what you’re struggling with and watch Him change your heart and perspective. STOP the comparison. Deal with YOU. Get real with yourself. It may be ugly at times but that’s the only way to have a true change. Hold yourself accountable and LEARN from your mistakes! You got this girl!

What God says about us:

*God loves me and has chosen me.
We know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you … (1 Thessalonians 1:4).

*I am God’s workmanship created to produce good works.
For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them (Ephesians 2:10).

*I am redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Christ.
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace (Ephesians 1:7).

*I will not be condemned by God.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

As Always….Love you All,

Courtney N. Williams