How to Deal With Adding Baby #2

I remember the day I saw two lines on the pregnancy test indicating that I was pregnant. Outside of “bad timing” due to us having our wedding ceremony six months down the line, I was so happy to be expecting my second child and first child with my husband. Being pregnant was truly an answered prayer and something me and my husband looked forward to experiencing together. With my first pregnancy being unplanned and having to welcome a baby girl to the world as a single mom, I looked forward to a totally different experience being that I was married to an extremely supportive partner who I knew would be there every step of the pregnancy and exhausting newborn stage. With it being my second time around with this motherhood thing I thought “I GOT THIS.” Besides missing out on sleep, I honestly thought welcoming baby #2 would be a breeze. Boy was I in for a rude awakening.

I was now having to juggle the needs of two children, manage all my other responsibilities, and somehow find time to take care of myself! It was very challenging. With a 4-year-old and newborn baby, not only was I exhausted but I felt completely overwhelmed most of the time. I did have the help of my mother and husband 24/7 the first week after bring Channing home. The second week and on I was all on my own due to them both having to go back to work. My breastfeeding journey didn’t go as I would’ve liked it to. Due to complications nursing I became an “exclusive pumper.” Meaning, I was hooked to a breast pump every 2-3 hours and bottle feeding. All my exclusive pumping moms out there know the struggle is REAL. The saying “sleep when the baby sleeps” is not realistic when you have to be hooked up to an electric breast pump for 30 minutes while the baby is sleeping. Pumping for the first 9 months of my baby’s life was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I found myself thinking “this is not fun” in regards to motherhood. I felt so unappreciative for the blessing of a new baby. This is something that’s supposed to be one of the happiest events of a woman’s life and I felt like I was drowning.

One of the hardest parts about becoming a mommy for the second time was trying to balance two children. Although, Carrington, my 4-year-old was at the age to where she could operate a little more independently she still required a lot of attention and assistance. I felt an extreme sense of mom guilt for having to devote so much of my attention, time, and energy to my new baby. Most days I felt like I was pushing Carrington off on her ipad because I knew that could keep her attention for hours. My mom guilt led me to signing Carrington up for swimming lessons five days a week so she wasn’t stuck in the house all day, every day on her ipad. The pressure of being the perfect mommy to both of my girls led me to making a decision that probably wasn’t the smartest. That put me in a situation where I was having to get up every morning, get all three of us prepared to leave the house, pack a diaper bag, and take Carrington to swimming lessons every day. I had to sit there and watch her practice while having to tend to a fussy baby who was just a few weeks old at the time. The was a decision that I truly regretted daily. Due to me feeling like I didn’t show Carrington enough attention during the day I started sleeping with her at night, which she LOVED. I felt like the only time I could devote to her is when I was sleeping. Talk about a horrible feeling as a mom.

I also neglected my husband during this time. Sadly, I felt he was the absolute last person on the list in regard to who needed my attention. If I had any free time outside of the kids all I wanted to do was SLEEP! I didn’t want to talk, think, eat, let alone cuddle lol. Thankfully he was very understanding and helpful, but in hindsight I wish I did a better job at dividing my attention amongst everyone in my home.

I will say the first three months were the hardest. After month 3 it got MUCH easier. Once I went back to work and the baby went to daycare we developed a daily routine. I slowly started to feel like my old self again. I started to feel like I was managing being a mother of two a lot better. My household started to operate like it previously had been.

My top advice to mommies expecting baby #2 would be:

1. Simplify your daily routine. If you find your day-to-day routine is too overwhelming, cut somethings out. I must admit, I’m typically a very well-kept woman. I take pride in not only keeping myself together but my household as well. But a new baby who doesn’t sleep at night and is need of constant care can leave even the most put together woman reeling and turn the most spotless home into an obstacle course. I believe women like myself, who tend to have a type A personality struggle the most with the change that comes from bringing home a newborn baby. I had to realize some days I may have dishes piled up in the sink and me and my girls may all have on the same clothes for 2-3 days in a row and that was OKAY! I had to lower my standards and know that new babies have their own schedules.
2. Get your firstborn involved. Getting the oldest child involved makes them feel important and aids in a bond being built between your children. It also, allows you to multitask. You’re getting things done for the baby and spending quality time with your older child.
3. Don’t forget how the baby got here in the first place. It was two people in love that got the baby here. You can’t neglect your partner in the midst of the chaos and exhaustion. Remember the good times you had together before baby and try to recreate that at least once a week. Even if that means spending an hour together on the couch to watch your favorite show while the kids sleep. Remaining connected makes operating as a team when tending to the baby much easier and more enjoyable.
4. Lastly, don’t neglect yourself. For your sanity, be sure to get some daily alone time. Even if it’s just 30 minutes a day. Hand the baby off to your partner and take a warm bubble bath or close yourself in the bedroom for a bit if you have to. As a mother, the entire family takes so much from you every day. You have to be sure to recharge yourself as well.

Motherhood is one of the greatest joys in life, but also one of the hardest jobs on the planet. There’s nothing like a mother’s love. It makes everything from the sweet baby giggles to the terrible two tantrums all worth it. In the midst of it all never forget that you were made for this. You are strong, you’re doing your best, and you are enough. We are all in this together.

As Always,
Love you All!
Courtney N. Williams