I remember it like it was yesterday, the day that I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Only a few months after graduating college, not married, working my first post college graduate job (which means it sucked LOL), and little to no money in my savings account. Naturally, tons of different emotions overcame me while looking at a positive pregnancy test. In that situation, the most prominent emotion was the fear of not knowing how everything was going to work out and how I was going to take care of a baby that was on the way. Things with my first child’s father didn’t work out so here I was, a 23-year-old single mom, left with no choice but to figure it out or walk around feeling defeated. Well, defeated isn’t in my vocabulary so naturally I figured it out. After getting over the initial shock of expecting unexpectedly, I began to embrace the new life I was blessed with. The bible says, “children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him.” (Psalm 127:3) There’s no disclaimer that says they are only a blessing if you have your stuff together. I’ve truly seen God keep me my entire life. He is constantly making a way out of no way and I knew this situation would be no different. He remained faithful to me my entire pregnancy, throughout the birth of Carrington, and throughout her early years while it was just her and I.
Fast forward to when Carrington was about two years old, we were coasting along, the two of us, just fine. I had a steady job, was able to pay our bills, and she was progressing perfectly as a toddler. (Shout out to our village as well though! Wouldn’t have been possible without them) She had pretty much been my only priority up until that point but it was around this time I started to be open to the idea of opening my heart up to someone whenever God presented a suitable partner. I’d entertained a few guys very casually but none of them seemed like “the one” until my now husband entered my life.
I must admit, dating while being a single mom started off being very intimidating. I wondered things like…
“will guys be interested in me once finding out I have a child?”
“how will I even break away for dates without locking in a babysitter way in advance?”
“Will he be turned off by a crying toddler in the background, while talking to me on the phone?”
…Just to name a few. Once I stopped overthinking it, I quickly realized that it wasn’t as complicated as I was making it out to be. Below are a few key factors that I came up with in hopes to help you navigate dating as a single mother easier. So let’s dive right in:
- First, try to resolve any unsettled issues with your ex. The last thing you want to do and the easiest way to run off a potential partner is to enter a new relationship with a bunch of baggage and drama from your past relationship.
- Be upfront in the beginning that you have a kid(s). Don’t wait until later to indulge that information. Some people’s preference is to NOT date someone with kids and that’s okay. They are entitled to that. But you want to figure out if you are entertaining a guy who has that preference early on so feelings don’t get involved prematurely and you end up with a bunch of wasted time and hurt feelings when it’s all said and done.
- Don’t introduce your kids to someone you are getting to know too soon. I pretty much knew my now husband was going to be my husband when I first introduced him to my daughter. The last thing you want to do is allow your child to develop an emotional attachment to a guy who doesn’t end up sticking around in the long run.
- Make sure your priorities are in order. No matter what, you are a mom first until you say “I do.” Don’t get caught up in the hype of a new relationship and neglect important parenting duties like making it to your child’s soccer game (just an example).
- If a guy has entered your life that’s actually WORTH getting to know, devote the time to get to know him on a deeper level. One of the hardest parts of dating while being a single mom is simply finding the time. This is where your village comes in. You’ll have to lean on family and friends for babysitters. Hey, that’s what loved ones are for, right?
- Gauge early on if the man you’re interested in has the maturity level it takes to date someone with a child. Yes, your child is your child and not your potential partner’s responsibility but the reality of the situation is you and your child come as a package deal and if the guy you are courting is staying out until 3am every night chances are he may not be a suitable partner for someone with a kid.
- It’s takes a very understanding guy to date a single mom because your time is golden. Time spent with him means time away from the kids. And it’s time that has to be planned in advanced. The luxury of dropping what you’re doing for spontaneous dates is pretty much over, so he’ll have to understand that as well.
- Be vulnerable. As single moms we can easily have a guard up. We are so used to being strong for ourselves and our babies. We have to not only protect ourselves but our children also. But without fully letting a worthy guy in you’ll never give anyone a fair chance and could miss out on a good guy.
- Be led by the Holy Spirit. If something doesn’t feel right, most likely it isn’t. Drop anyone who doesn’t fit into your family and make no apologies for it. With children involved you have to truly have discernment. You can’t afford to allow a crazy guy into you all’s lives.
- Last but not least, HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH SIS’! Just because you are a mom doesn’t make you any less worthy or attractive. Childless guys will happily date moms, I see it happening every day. Figure out your strengths and know what you bring to the table. Single mom, or not, you are the daughter of a King and deserve to be courted as such. Don’t ever think you have to settle because you have a precious child. God will send the perfect guy in His perfect timing for you and your child!
I pray this blesses you.
I love you all,
Courtney N Williams
Mommy & Me Turbans: @LittleMissTurban (Instagram)
Both outfits: Old Navy
Makeup: @beyondbeautybyjada (Instagram)
I also was a single mom with daughters and this is so on point! I pray it helps someone! U are awesome and I love your posts❤️
Love this Courtney! I was gonna write about this but you’ve covered all my points!! 🙂
Haha great minds think alike. Thanks for reading girl!
Great read! So insightful too. I was a single mom, headed into my senior year of college and it definitely took a village (parents, siblings, friends and soror) to navigate. One thing that I learned was to not try to replace the biological parent with your new mate. This includes not allowing your new mate to be dismissive towards the biological parent.
Thanks so much for reading. And I totally agree with what everything you stated!!!
Love this!! Thanks for dropping gems ：）
Thank so much for reading girl! I’m glad you liked it!
Loved this! I agree & relate to everything you have said. My now fiancé & my son’s relationship begin early on & they meshed so naturally. It was a must to have someone in not only my life but also my son’s life that fit like a missing puzzle piece. He truly was God sent.
Praise God! Love to hear stories like that especially since blended families get a bad rep of being drama filled. I’m rooting for you guys!
Very inspirational! thank you for your encouragement! Be Blessed
-Nai
Thank so much for reading honey!!
Great read! I’m a single and ready to date mom. An issue I have is the spontaneous dating. They just don’t seem to know what advance notice means. I’m sorry I just can’t meet for drinks at 8pm on a Wednesday night and you’re asking me at 6:30. Lol Anywho…. I’m patiently waiting for who God has for me!
GIRL!!!! That’s exactly why I included that bullet point because they have to be understanding of that. Just communicate that early on and if it’s the right one they’ll be understanding and won’t be annoyed by that. God bless & thanks for reading
AWESOME blog! I literally teared up while reading this. I’m currently a single mom and I’ve wondered these same questions. Thanks for sharing!!
Awwww praise God. So glad it blessed you. Thanks so much for reading!
Love this!! Perfect way to help guide us single mothers on how to date. Can’t wait til read more!
Thanks so much for reading! Glad you took something from it!
Love love love your blog😍❤️ This was beautiful, single mom right now currently struggling on that. Thank you so much!
Yayyy so glad you were able to take something from it. You’re so welcome
Thanks Courtney for this amazing post because I myself am a single mom to a very active 3 year old little boy, and I as well find myself ready to be loved and date, but I just can’t let anybody up in our space that is not ready for a family, or that is giving me all types of mix signals. But, until God sends the right man into our lives, I am enjoying our time together as mother and son.
P.S. I just uploaded my blog today on the purpose of being a single mom (link in bio on Instagram)
You’re so welcome. God will send the perfect guy in His perfect timing. Thanks for reading and I would love to check that post out. Email a link to your blog please.
The link to my blog post is MyGiftsandTalents.blogspot.com/
I love it !!!!!
I also love the fact that your hubby had a son so he was able
To relate and understand your lifestyle
Pretti.bliss from instagram
Definitely. That helped a ton. Thanks for reading girl!
Not a mom but I just love the way you and your family get along looking farward to reading all your blogs 😘😘😘Keep Up the good work n good writing
Thank you so much!
I absolutely loved this!! I’m a single mom to my precious 7 year old daughter. I recently starting dating a guy ive been conversing with since last year. I’ve been so scared but this really helped me! I look forward to more of your inspirations, encouragement and advice😊
Praise God. Glad you were able to take something from it. Thanks for reading!
Love ALL of this…felt like you were writing my story with my son!!! I had to learn this when I became pregnant with my son Cai and felt all of those emotions as well. Eventually after dating a couple guys, I reconnected with my high school sweetheart who treats and calls him his own, got married and we now have another son!
Praise God! I love happy endings! Thanks for reading